Joanna Gainesis looking back on her journey to embracing her Korean heritage.
Born to her American father Jerry and Korean mother Nan (who met when Jerry was stationed in South Korea with the U.S. military), theFixer Upperstar grew up in Rose Hill, Kansas — a small town outside of Wichita — with her two sisters, Teresa and Mary Kay a.k.a. “Mikey.”
“We were literally the only Asians in our entire school,” Gaines, 44, recalls of her childhood in this week’s issue of PEOPLE.
As a student, Gaines remembers being called names and getting teased for eating rice in the cafeteria at lunch.
“It was deeply personal because that was half of my story,” she shares. “I realized if this isn’t accepted, maybe I need to hide it and play more into the other side of who I am.”
Joanna Gaines and family.Courtesy
Looking back, Gaines says, “My early memories, a lot of the things that come up are the moments where I switched off and I thought to myself, ‘Oh, I can’t be this,’ or ‘I shouldn’t be this’ or this won’t be approved. Like I won’t get the approval, you know, that you want as a kid.”
For more on PEOPLE’s cover story with Joanna Gaines, listen below to our daily podcast PEOPLE Every Day.
It was only after leaving her small town for a college internship in New York City that she began gaining a whole new perspective.
“I saw more people that looked like me than ever before,” she says. “I left really understanding the beauty and uniqueness of Korean culture and for the first time I felt whole, like this is fully who I am and I’m proud of it.”
Joanna Gaines.Courtesy
But Gaines still had to process the deep-rooted insecurities she had been quietly living with for years.
“There were a lot of things I believed that weren’t true,” she explains. “I had to go back and cross those out and say, ‘This is the truth. You are worthy. You are enough.’ My biggest regret is not owning it earlier and really loving who I am.”
Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories
The Magnolia Network star addresses the process of undoing those falsehoods in her first solo memoir,The Stories We Tell,out Nov. 8.
“I had to actually go backwards and say, ‘This is the lie I believed for 21 years, and now I have to rewrite that,'” Gaines shares. “When we really take hold of our story and write it down, there’s so much healing that can come from that.”
Courtesy
That process has given her a new sense of purpose.
“When I finished the book, I looked up and I just remember thinking, if I wouldn’t have done that, I wouldn’t hold what I’m holding now, which is empathy, perspective, and clarity,” she says.
For more onJoanna Gaines, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribehere.
Gaines’ memoir,The Stories We Tell,hits bookshelves on Nov. 8.
source: people.com
