Since G.I. Joe and Transformers became big cockamamy movies , author Jeremy Robinson has uprise mixed feelings about bonk the 1980s . He explicate why below .
I ’m a child of the 80 . That ’s not to say I was born in the eighty . I was n’t . What I mean is that my formative child rear years stretched between 1980 , when I was six and 1989 , when I was ( I detest math ) fifteen .
My gaming substance abuse was formed by Pong ( for you youngens , Pong was n’t just a game , but an entire game scheme that played ONE biz ) , Atari , Colecovision , Commodore 64 , Apple IIC , Nintendo and Sega . My passion of sci - fi was foster by Creature Double Feature ( only here in New England – Godzilla , Gamera , monster motion-picture show ) , Battlestar Galactic ( with a blurry automaton bear ! ) , Dr. Who , Greatest American Hero and Star Trek ( Khaaaaaan ! ) . I consume Cocoa Pebbles and lived in a cartoon cloud nine ruled by Space Ghost , The Herculoids , G.I. Joe , Robotech , Transformers , Go - bot , Force Five ( Gai King , Starvengers , etc ) , M.A.S.K. , Gummy Bears and that pinkish chick that was really unconscionable . * Yes , I roll in the hay its Jem . Do n’t doubt my mastery of the 80 !
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMKT0gGEBJQ
You get the point . And I ’m still a fan of many of these shows and games . I ’m call forth my kids on Pac - man and Thundercats . It ’s what we children of the 80s do : we adore our puerility . Well , most of us . There was something about the meter , I think , that made us hyper - tender of our youth culture . Maybe it was the offset of the technological gyration . Or the emergence of cartoons that were n’t about gargantuan purple anthropoid ( Grape Ape ) and hairy kiwi with a club ( Captain Caveman ) . I ’m not trusted , but that ’s how we are . We can sit around and listen to 80 television receiver composition song for time of day and feel like a million buck when we ’re done .
BUT , Hollywood is itch some of that good play by systematically raping the culture of my childhood . It ’s one thing for Family Guy to have the Kool - Aid man jump out every now and again , or have Peter do an M.C. Hammer parody . They get it . Family Guy tease us with quick 1980s joke that make us go buy T - shirt . But motion-picture show … movies are a unlike fauna that name me put away my tonne - shirts .
Since G.I. Joe came out I feel a smattering of disgrace when I wear my Cobra logo T - shirt . It ’s not that the motion-picture show was bad . It was fun . And had one of the scurvy IQs ever ( Ice FLOATS ! ! ) . But I love it . But at the same clip , by being remade for a new generation , the 80 version has been made less - cool . The retro fun is extend . I do n’t want multitude to see my Cobra shirt and retrieve , “ Wow , that hombre must have really liked that G.I Joe movie . ” I desire most hoi polloi to think , “ What the hell is that on his shirt , ” and other children of the 80s to point at me and say , “ Yes ! amazing shirt ! ” which makes me recollect , “ Hey we could be friend , ” but then I reply with a quick , “ Thanks , ” before walk quickly away with my head down . But I feel good within . But now ? Hell ! After transformer 2 I started looking for a fatal maw for my Transformers T - shirt .
And this is affecting more than my T - shirt aggregation . I ’m an source . And as a lover of the 80 , I mouse in postmodern references whenever potential . I wrote my novel , INSTINCT , a few years ago ( yes , it was just unloosen this year - publisher are dumb ) . The storey involves a kin of Neanderthals obliterate in an extremely removed mass kitchen range in Vietnam , that devolved into hirsute , wildcat beast . When the character , Rook , first amount across one of them , he refers to it as Cha - Ka . He goes on to trace the show ( Land of the Lost ) . Marshal , Will and Holly . Sid and Marty Croft . All good playfulness for us 80s kids . And then , when the book is being edit , I see a commercial for the Land of the Lost picture show . I follow for thirty seconds , and then , “ Sonofabitch . ” Will Ferrell ate something hallowed from my childhood , put up it , squat over my postmodern scene and dropped a big , stinky , quasi - funny load . The scene is still in the book , but it ’s not nearly as play and I think I even cut it so no one would think I was relate to the picture show .
The degree is , with every 1980s franchise remade by Hollywood , I lose a piece of my puerility that I so adore .
So , who ’s to blame ? The children of the 80 ’s , that ’s who . I ’m presently try out to get the novelization spear for the impending Godzilla reboot . I ’m guessing a band of the directors and screenwriters of the rash of 1980s remake are nestling of the 80s , too . But we ’re not only pillaging our childhoods , we ’re also paying to see our childhoods violate . It ’s like we have a eighties culture snuff - picture show fetish . I cognise the impending A - Team movie will make my retro A - Team T - shirt obsolete and uncool , but I ’ll in all probability see it anyway . I saw Land of the Lost . I went to G.I. Joe , both transformer . And if they make a Thundercats movies , I ’ll wait in line with my son .
Is there Leslie Townes Hope ? Maybe . Hollywood might finally move on to the ninety ( though the 90s were n’t nearly as fun ) . Or perchance we children of the eighty who are go to these motion picture and taking our kids to these movies will get banal of seeing remaking ( I doubt it ) . Okay , so the only genuine hope is reconditeness . My Oregon Trail shirt ( You have died of dysentery ) is credibly safe . I think The Herculoids might make it through unscathed and certainly a lot of the avowedly dim shows … like the formerly advert Jem . He - man ’s probably safe too . Inhumanoids certainly are .
In closure , I have a message for Hollywood . Lean in conclusion . take heed up . Do n’t miss this , cause you ’ll regret it . Thundarr the Barbarian is off limits ! If you make a Thundarr movie I will track down you down and shove the Sun Sword where the sun do n’t shine . I will go Ookla on your keister and scream Demon Dogs ! at you until you weep like so many evil wizards demasculinize by Ariel ’s sultry sorcery . Unless you need me to write it . Then , call me . Screw it , I ’m move to write the script flop now . I ’ll have it on your desk next week .
So , reader , what do you think ? What 80s franchises would you wish to see remade ? Which are off limit ?
This post byJeremy Robinsonoriginally appeared atThink Hero . Jeremy Robinson is the author of seven novels including PULSE and INSTINCT , the first two books in his Chess Team serial published by Thomas Dunne Books , and imprint of St. Martin ’s Press .
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