America , these are disturbing times we hold out in . All the more reasonableness we need to talk about the existent issues separate our with child land : namely , have any of those diffused , simpering eggheads at Google ever even seen a damn hamburger ?
Maybe some of you have lost your path and ca n’t call back the simple-minded times of a backyard barbecue or a Fourth of July cookout , but the hamburger is a cornerstone of essential American preparation . Yes , “ cooking ” not “ culinary art , ” Jacques Pépin . And in America , we do n’t put cheese on the bottom . Do n’t ask me why we do n’t do it , and do n’t ask me who “ Robert Mueller is . ” Some thing you just instinctively knew do n’t deserve a response .
And one more thing , Google ( if that is your real name ): we do n’t put lettuce next to tomatoes . They stick to each other about as well as socialism sticks to the American dream . You want to see a whole sandwich / state collapse ? That ’s how you do it . Some might say there are bigger threats : too much mayonnaise , an overcooked cake , monolithic money laundering fraud engaged in over the class of about a decade . gymnastic horse apples ! We do n’t orchestra pit vegetable against veg in this country . And do n’t you dare tell me that Paul Manafort is going to flip in exchange for a shortened conviction , or that tomato are technically a fruit . I have a gift , and that gift is enjoying the gustatory modality of USDA Grade - nose candy bitch with both finger in my ears .
We all match : There ’s a correct and improper way to make a burger , and its the way my father made burgers , and his father made Warren E. Burger , and his father had burger prepared for him by mass he considered socially and genetically deficient .
So what if the splendid Big Mac has cheeseflower on the bottom , or the beautiful Whopper piles lettuce on tomatoes on Allium cepa on pickles like full - on plant - free-base communism ? Or a former political campaign director avoided the IRS over more than $ 18 million and a former aid admitted to lying to the FBI ? exemption is n’t gratuitous , and the Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree of liberty must be freshen up from time to prison term with the emojified bloodline representing an abstract entity of our bitch cattle diligence .
America has become an embarrassment on the world stage .
Do something , Google .
Paul Manafort just agree to turn himself in to the FBI . What should we cover on?CNN : ManafortMSNBC : ManafortFox News : Hamburger emojipic.twitter.com/Wjsvkb2coW
— Roberto Aram Ferdman ( @robferdman)October 30 , 2017
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