10 Reasons We’re Doomed: Black Friday Edition

Today is Black Friday , a daytime consecrate to our basest and most misfortunate magnetic inclination . The day after giving thanks for all that we have , we turn around and jump through atrocious hoops to amass more at the insistence of sleazy , desperate retailers . It ’s a nice summation of everything incorrect with this country and the holiday season , an appropriately named cancerous mark on our calendars . Our behavior today is the sort of matter an alien raceway would expend as justification for our destruction . Let ’s run through the specific , shall we ?

1 . Deals in Exchange for Dignity

You make love what sucks ? Not being able to yield something you really want , like an high-definition television , unless you give your self-respect by camp out out in front of a mall in below - freezing temperature on a night that should be spent with your class . The mad other - hr doorbuster sales force people , especially citizenry with humble incomes who rely on discounts and sale , to physically endure for their purchases . No tatty Blu - ray player is deserving that .

Last Of Us 7 Ellie Crash

2 . May the bad Man profits

Once you ’ve expend the dark camped out in line in front of a computer memory , sleep with full well there are n’t enough discounted plasma goggle box to go around , you wrench into an beast . After all , if you leave empty handed you ’ve wasted your entire night . So when those doors ultimately open , you do n’t have a wrinkle of shoppers — you have a line of work of bloodthirsty , evil monsters that are n’t afraid to throw a few cubitus to get to that pallet of merchandise first .

3 . Everyone Stinks of Desperation

Mission Impossible 8 Underwater

In old years , it was the shopper who were desperate on Black Friday , with retailers trifle the role of punk opportunists . But now , with a fiscal crisis in full , brutal golf stroke , both sides are as desperate . The retailers demand the shoppers as much as the shoppers postulate the deals , putting a heap more on the line for everyone involve this class . It ’s a sad situation , one that impart an extra air travel of patheticness to the whole ordeal .

4 . Bait and Switch

One thing that ’s consistent throughout all the Black Friday ads we ’ve seen is that there are n’t in reality many unspoiled slew to be had . Every memory board offers up a handful of legit deep discounts , of which they have an inadequate supply . They get you into the store with these deals , but unless you slept on a sidewalk the Nox before , you were basically suckered into amount in for nothing , nothing but the retail merchant ’s hope that you ’ll gravel around and buy material at full price , like an idiot .

Lesdilley

5 . You Do n’t Really require This Crap

Even if you do score what you came for , they ’re believably not actually the thing you want . They ’re what you ’ll subside for . You ’ve had your optic on a Garmin with representative command or a Samsung with light-emitting diode backlighting , but they ’re not on sale . So you suck it up and instead bribe the more gimped Garmin ( or even a TomTom ) or the Samsung with the crappier contrast CCFL backlight . You ca n’t justify corrupt the top product when the step - down is so insanely discounted . Black Friday has completely move out the atonement of researching a particular production and buying it because you really require it .

6 . Seasonal Employees are Idiots

Mission Impossible 8 Tom Cruise Hang

Every holiday season , retail merchant hire reinvigorated meat to work for a calendar month or two to help address the rise in demand . gauge what ? They do n’t train them very well and these seasonal workers could give a shit about the company they ’re work for . unfit combo ! When you ’re prove to grease one’s palms something expensive like an HDTV , you desire to ask interrogation from someone who both knows what they ’re talking about and at least has a mild interest in you having a convinced experience . Seasonal employees provide neither of these thing .

7 . There Will Be Blood

Every twelvemonth boatloads and boatloads of people show up for Black Friday sales agreement , and every year retailers ca n’t treat it . Maybe they wo n’t be set up for the phone line and it ’ll be disorganized , lead people to fight for spots . Or maybe the registers will go down , leading to deucedly long waits to suss out out . But something will invariably go improper — very wrong — have your shopping experience even worse , if that ’s even potential .

Daredevil Born Again Episode 1 Matt Murdock

8 . The Kickoff of the Advertising Clusterfuck

9 . Buying Presents Sucks

10 . You ’re pathetic

M101 Pinwheel Galaxy

Seriously , what the netherworld are you doing buy this poppycock anyway ? You do n’t have any savings , you live payroll check to payroll check and if you have n’t been pose off yet you likely will be soon . Just because something is cheaper than it usually is does n’t stand for you have to bribe it . you may go into debt just as easily buying shit when it ’s on sale as you may buying shit when it ’s full priced . Do n’t get suckered by advert . Give yourself the best talent of all this holiday time of year : being fiscally responsible .

More Advice for the Black Friday Fray :

• The aforementionedUltimate Survival Guide .